Have you ever lived a life that doesn’t quite fit? Becoming chameleons, we try to blend into the surroundings that are not really our natural habitat. Our colors seem to change, and we learn to adapt. Yet, we long for the life that fills our hearts and our souls.
That’s been my story. Like a woman tired of the confines of a marriage, I started making steps away from the familiar life more than a year ago. I haven’t outright left my old life, but instead I’ve filled my time with the new experiences that are feeding my soul. My old life was my reliable husband, waiting for me in case I changed my mind.
After a time, my old life began to understand that I wasn’t going to ever really be back. I would keep living in limbo between two worlds. I haven’t wanted to give up the comfort of the familiar nor lose the newfound joy of my new life. My old life realized he was being strung along. Finally, he had enough. He’s told me I need to decide whether I want to stay or move on. I can’t live in both worlds much longer.
In many ways, it’s been easy rejecting my old life. But since my old life has started to reject me, I have felt unwanted and discarded. Joseph Campbell said that “We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.” So why is it sometimes so difficult to let go of the life that doesn’t fit? It can be painful, wrenching even, as we release the familiar.
I don’t have the answers today. I just know I need to keep walking toward the life that infuses me with passion. I want a life where I can be authentic with myself and the world.